I want to
you know
I really do
but like
give me a reason
so I can still be me
after that
you say you like to loose yourself
sometimes you cease to be you
and I mean...
I am losing myself too in this
you know (?)
I just
don't wanna become a ring
in this fucking chain that's around me
I wanna find a reason
to not hurt you back
and at the same time
I'm thinking of the worst ways
I could...
but I couldn't
I wake up with bloody hands
that's just residue from my dreams
after I closed my eyes
you can imagine...what I did
I killed myself thousand times
and In thousand forms
not just in my dreams
but ever since I was born
but killing myself for this...
It felt like this is something I can trust
I felt like I could lean onto this wall
and it won't give up on me
but it did
and then it did again
pity
do you pity me?
do I pity you?
is it understanding? empathy?
or just pity?
what's even the difference?
I'm not sure
because
the light of my eyes
only gives way to you...
but when you saw it
but you stuck a needle
right through my pupil
and another
through the other
deep deep
into my brain
combining toughts, tastes, smells, memories
in pain
and you pull me closer
I don't see anymore
but I feel your blood on my skin
bathing me
you are losing it...but...why should i care?
maybe
I should...
maybe
I crave for your blood
BUT WHY?????
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
and I don't know why
and I might know why
It is sick
but not just you...
... it's also me
I know you are gonna deal with it
but afterwards
you'll have to deal with me